and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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