I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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