They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
