I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
