i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
