Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
