Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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