did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
