kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
