I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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