I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
