dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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