You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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