The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
