ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am available for nakedness
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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