Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
