Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The struggles of a small town man whore
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
