the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
