Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
