been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
