I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
