were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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