The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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