I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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