pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
