oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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