so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
