K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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