Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
