Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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