apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
