before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
