You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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