Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
