I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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