Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
