i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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