Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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