Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize