i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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