i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
