WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
