The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
