I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
