I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
