dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
soo... how was my night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
