And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
