PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
