His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
