I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
