There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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