OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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