One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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