"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
