I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
