I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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