Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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