we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
