Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
