so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
