im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
