I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
