Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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