Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
party gras won. party gras always wins.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
