took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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