Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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