gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
