Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
