She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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