I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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