I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
