I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
