News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
