Me. At least after what I've been through.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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