Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I didn't notice because vodka
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
