Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
