Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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